Today, I spoke to my middle school best friend, Gabriella. Yes, if you haven’t already noticed. I have a few best friends. They are part of different stages of my life, and yet are still a part of my life today. I love them with all my heart. She moved to Michigan years ago and embarked on her own journey in life and left home. I have known her for such a long time, I consider her my family. I have recently kept more in touch with her mom and sister and we try to see each other whenever we can. I decided to give her a call today after work because I know she has been worried about me, and I couldn’t even tell her what had happened. At the time, I was still very much embarrassed, ashamed, and mortified about everything that happened. Those feelings still reside with me, but I wanted to talk to her and check in like we always do from time to time. She was actually here in January, but I remember I was so sick when she came home (figures). She did come and see right before she caught her flight and I was so happy about that. She returned my call, and we spoke for what felt like hours. For someone who has been through a different kind of grief, she understood my pain. Like Marie, she too validated my feelings. “Don’t let anyone tell you what you’re feeling isn’t okay, because it is.” I said a lot of things I hadn’t said out loud. Everything that I am has changed. I cried multiple times on the phone with her. I talked to her until I got into my car to head to Soul Cycle.
Lee had some classes she needed to use up, and I was determined to get back in the game somehow. I needed something to distract me, and why not SOUL? Literally, a year ago, I dived into Soul Cycle, which a had heard from a really good friend at work. I decided to try it as a means of getting myself back in shape, and I felt AWESOME going. The classes are kind of pricey, but man the feeling I felt at Soul is like nothing I’ve ever felt working out. Lee and I had originally scheduled a class the day before, but I was wait listed, and she didn’t feel well so I never called back to inquire if there was space. I’ve never been comfortable working out alone and I wasn’t going to start yesterday. Any who, I jetted over to Soul and like Lee had warned, the parking sitch was not the best. I made it, but was late which I hate. An old friend whom I used to be on dance team with works there and got me ready on my bike. The rest was history. I don’t know what it is about SOUL, but man did it ignite a fuel to my fire. I was angry and I used that anger to push through the pain. It was still hard considering I hadn’t been in so many months, but I did it. I forced myself to go, I had Lee by my side, and for an hour I forgot about everything that consumed my mind. I drove home with a tiny sense of confidence.
Lee, if you’re reading this: Thank you for pushing me to get out of the house, and for igniting a fire in me that I have needed. You’re tougher than most. Thank you for hating him when I couldn’t.
I will be strong again. I will smile and truly mean it. I will rise up, and I’m going to have the comeback that I’ve dreamed of: Mind, body, and spirit.